


Four Times Bruno Walton Failed to Win Boots' Heart and One Time He Succeeded

by scintilla10



Category: Macdonald Hall Series - Korman
Genre: Humor, M/M, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-20
Updated: 2009-11-20
Packaged: 2017-10-03 11:07:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scintilla10/pseuds/scintilla10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruno/Boots collegefic.  Pretty much what the title says.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four Times Bruno Walton Failed to Win Boots' Heart and One Time He Succeeded

TO: burton09@mcgill.ca; christalbot@emilycarr.edu; dgrant01@concordia.ca; edrimsdale@mit.edu; hackenschleimer@gmail.com; markdavies@ryerson.edu; peteranderson@ualberta.ca; srampulsky02@dalhousie.ca;  
FROM: bwalton@uottawa.ca  
SUBJECT: HELP!!!

Boots is DATING!!!!! Tally so far: 2 girls + 1 unknown. All are def. NO GOOD. World crumbling around us, etc. etc. Require assistance. Pls join Committee to Rescue Boots O'Neal (see attachment). Spread widely.

NOTE: DO NOT FORWARD TO BOOTS (MELVIN) O'NEAL.

Yours sincerely,  
Bruno Walton

~~~

Bruno Walton was twelve years old when he first met Boots O'Neal in Room 306, Dormitory 3 of Macdonald Hall. By the end of their first week as roommates, and to the despair of the school administration, they were inseparable, and at the end of their first month together Bruno offered Boots the privileged position of co-dictator in his scheme for world domination.

It took Bruno several years to realize that had essentially been his twelve-year-old self's version of a marriage proposal.

It took Boots even longer.

But, to be fair, that was mostly due to the fact that Bruno was absolutely crap at relationships.

~~~

TO: bwalton@uottawa.ca  
FROM: dgrant01@concordia.ca  
SUBJECT: RE: HELP!!!

Boots is dating?! OMG, so exciting! Does "unknown" mean that he might be dating boys, ie, might soon be dating YOU? Details, Walton!

Love, D.

~~~

TO: bwalton@uottawa.ca  
FROM: markdavies@ryerson.edu  
SUBJECT: I'm forming the Committee to Stop Forming Committees

My advice is to stop interfering in Boots' love life. He is an adult.

PS If he starts having sex while you're in the dorm room, then I will listen to complaints.

~~~

TO: bwalton@uottawa.ca  
FROM: hackenschleimer@gmail.com  
SUBJECT: RE: HELP!!!

If you want dating advice, I convinced my girlfriend to go out with me through the power of gourmet. I recommend it.

Wilbur

~~~

"Bruno! What the hell's going on? Are you okay?"

"Oh, hey, Boots," Bruno said weakly, as Boots descended on him, his swim bag slung over his shoulder and his face white and anxious. As usual, that expression on Boots' face made Bruno's stomach automatically clench tight.

"Why are there _fire trucks_?"

It was true that the fire department had come, but once they had ascertained that there was no actual fire, they were mostly annoyed that Bruno had managed to set off the sensor in the room _and_ the alarms in the hallway. The whole dorm had been evacuated, so there were a lot of students who were also annoyed with him and were sending increasingly nasty looks in his direction. As if it was his fault it was cold out in November.

But still: no _actual_ fire. There was a terrifically bad smell in their room, which probably wasn't going away anytime soon, but it wasn't like anything was scorched.

Well. The microwave probably wouldn't be very useful in the future.

"What _happened_?" Boots demanded.

"Oh, nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing."

"I was just trying to make dinner," Bruno explained.

Boots stared at him. "That's what the cafeteria is for. We live in a dorm room, for God's sake."

"Yeah, I know. It's just, you were telling me all that stuff last week about your coach and needing to eat healthier and then I found these recipes online that looked pretty simple." Bruno shrugged. "So, you know."

"You were cooking?" Boots looked a little dumbfounded.

"Yes," Bruno said defiantly. And then added: "It was just a microwave."

The look Boots gave him was a mixture of exasperated and horrified. It was not, as it happened, the look Bruno had been hoping to see on Boots' face that evening.

"You're an idiot," Boots said, finally.

And then: "Oh God, I have a test tomorrow."

But later, after the firemen packed up their gear and grudgingly let them all back into the dorm, Boots didn't even complain about the smell.

~~~

TO: bwalton@uottawa.ca  
FROM: edrimsdale@mit.edu  
SUBJECT: Reply to request for assistance

Dear Bruno,  
It is perfectly natural for Boots, at the height of his sexual maturity, to express a desire for romantic companionship. Gender is immaterial. I do not see the need to interfere in the natural progression of his development.  
I wish you luck in all your endeavours.  
Yours, Elmer Drimsdale

~~~

TO: bwalton@uottawa.ca  
FROM: srampulsky02@dalhousie.ca  
SUBJECT: RE: HELP!!!

im typign this with on e hand bcoz of broken ginfers. from exp, i know that pshing poeple into bushes is a goood tactic if u want to b rid of them. lol

ps. accidently sent this to booots, oops. haha, j/k.

~~~

It had been so long since Boots had actively mentioned dating that Bruno was starting to wonder if there had been any dating at all.

(That, of course, would have been fine with him. He was perfectly content with Boots having an imaginary dating life.)

Which was why Bruno was reeling so hard from being unexpectedly _actually introduced_ to some swim-team turkey that Boots was referring to as his _date._ It might have been the cold medication or it might have been his complete and utter shock, but either way Bruno completely missed the guy's name. It might have been Scott. Or Sam.

Anyway, much more importantly, the guy was standing perilously close to the rhododendrons.

"BRUNO!"

~~~

TO: bwalton@uottawa.ca  
FROM: christalbot@emilycarr.edu  
SUBJECT: RE: HELP!!!

He probably wouldn't date other people if he knew about your ridiculous pining. In other words, get your head out of your ass.

~~~

TO: bwalton@uottawa.ca  
FROM: peteranderson@ualberta.ca  
SUBJECT: confused

What do you mean, Boots is dating? Did you guys break up or something? Also, I don't understand how I can join a committee since I'm in Edmonton. Is there an online version available? Please respond.

~~~

To be fair, Bruno was drunk when he first got the idea. And to make it worse, he was still drunk when he put it into practice.

"Booooooots!" he exclaimed. "Boots, old friend, what are you doing here?"

Boots looked up at him in surprise from one side of a romantic dinner-for-two. Unfortunately, there was already someone on the other side. The date, one assumed. Scott, was it? Sssssss-something, anyway. Bruno hated him. He had floppy hair.

The date didn't look too happy to see Bruno either. He still had a small butterfly bandage over his eyebrow.

"Bruno, are you drunk?" Boots said.

Bruno turned to look at Boots instead and considered. "Yesss," he said. "Yes! Definitely."

"What are you doing here?" Boots added, and slapped Bruno's hand away from the bread basket.

"Ow," Bruno said plaintively. "Not eating, apparently."

"Definitely not eating!" Boots hissed and dragged him away from the table.

"What are you even _doing_ here?" Boots demanded once he'd propped Bruno against the wall near the bathrooms.

"I didn't know you were -- " Bruno said and stopped, waving a hand to indicate everything: the cozy little Italian restaurant, the red wine on the table, Boots' tie for God's sake. Like he was a totally different person from the guy who sat next to Bruno in his boxers to play video games or who liked to slather his French fries in mayonnaise or who mocked Bruno for not being able to swim or who spent red-eyed sleepless nights madly rewriting essays even though he'd finished perfectly good drafts days before they were actually due.

Like he was a _grown-up_ or something. Like he was growing out of Bruno.

When he looked up, Boots' face was white and pinched. "That I was --" he repeated, and stopped abruptly. "Right," he said. "_Right._"

"Right, what?" Bruno said, who had been distracted by the corner of Boots' mouth.

"I can't fucking believe you."

"What?"

"You said it was fine!"

"Fine?"

"Uh, Melvin?" said What's-His-Face. "Is everything okay?"

Bruno sputtered. "_Melvin?_"

"No, yeah, it's fine, it's just my _asshole_ of a roommate," Boots said to his date. "I'm sorry."

"_I'm_ sorry," said Bruno, who couldn't help himself, "but _Melvin_?"

Boots' face was dark and angry, and the expression on his face made Bruno suddenly feel cold all over. "Bruno, please believe me when I tell you to _fuck the hell off._"

~~~

TO: bwalton@uottawa.ca  
FROM: burton09@mcgill.ca  
SUBJECT: RE: HELP!!!

Bruno, you're an ass.

~~~

Bruno had come up with a very complicated scheme to win back Boots' friendship that involved fifty-three rolls of toilet paper, ice fishing, the national anthem of Ghana, and the Leader of the Opposition. Unfortunately, there had been a miscommunication with the Leader of the Opposition, resulting in a very firm cease and desist letter, and that was why Bruno was currently leading an entire audience in a chant of "_Boots! Boots! Boots!_"

The opposing teams looked bewildered that anyone would be calling for footwear at a swim meet.

The crowd was also enthusiastically waving signs reading: _OH-NEAL OH-KAY, GO OTTAWA GO, SWIM LIKE A SHARK IS AFTER YOU_, and (a result of a simple misunderstanding): _WE WANT SHOES!_

The Ottawa swim team looked a little taken aback by the sudden and unexpected outpouring of support -- though the crowd was not all, as it appeared to be, simply a heretofore underground group of rabid swim fans. Many of them had been very recently recruited from Bruno's classes, the dorm, the cafeteria, the library, and, rather more memorably, the football locker room.

If Bruno knew how to do anything, it was throw a riot.

When Boots hauled himself out of the water in first place, the pool erupted in pandemonium. With perfect timing, two of Bruno's most trusted minions unfurled a banner from the upper balcony reading _BOOTS IS #1!_

When Bruno made it down to the pool, Boots was still dripping wet and out of breath, and he turned to stare at Bruno blankly.

"I'm sorry I was an ass!" Bruno shouted over the noise. The echo in the pool was making the crowd sound even louder.

"Who are all these people?" Boots shouted back. "And what is this -- " he waved a hand at the banner -- "all about?"

Unfortunately, the minions with the banner had not accounted for the humidity of the pool and the centre of the banner had been dampened into illegibility. It now read: _BOO #1!_

It was a conflicting message for the already somewhat confused mob.

"It's an 'I'm sorry!'" Bruno yelled. "I was kind of jealous! But _not_ homophobic. _Definitely_ not homophobic."

"No?" Boots said.

"That would be very hypocritical of me!" Bruno said loudly. Boots didn't say anything, so Bruno went on, "I really am sorry! And I really miss hanging out with you. I promise I won't crash your dates any more or accidentally-on-purpose push people into shrubberies!"

Boots glanced up at that, looking surprised.

Bruno decided to hurry on. "I'm very sorry! If you want to date people, you should, and I won't -- "

"I don't," Boots interrupted.

"What?"

"I don't want to date _people_!" Boots shouted.

"You don't?"

"No!"

"Oh," Bruno said. "Then -- "

Boots was grinning at him a little now. "Cathy forwarded your email," he said.

Bruno's stomach dropped. He couldn't have heard that right. "What?" he said loudly.

"You're such an idiot, sometimes, you know that?" Boots said, and when he leaned forward to kiss Bruno, dripping wet and all, the noise in the stadium seemed to fade away. Boots' fingers were in his hair, and Bruno's hands were on Boots' slick warm skin, and Boots tasted like sweat and chlorine, and Bruno Walton was suddenly and gloriously happy.

And if Boots accidentally-on-purpose shoved him into the pool two minutes later, well, it was just lucky that Bruno's new boyfriend was on the swim team.

End.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://shoshannagold.livejournal.com/profile)[**shoshannagold**](http://shoshannagold.livejournal.com/) who had the good taste to ask for Bruno and Boots collegefic at the [Fandom Free For All](http://oxoniensis.livejournal.com/422866.html).
> 
> ETA: fishpatrol has now recorded a podfic of this story! You can find it [here](http://amplificathon.livejournal.com/759024.html). Please go and tell her how fabulous she is!


End file.
